Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
