I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
