i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
