I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
