i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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