At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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