She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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