a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
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