Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
