i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
They are going to name an STD after you.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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