I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
how do you play pong handcuffed?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
