She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
