I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
