I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
