I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
