Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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