Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
