How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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