I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Randomize
