when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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