But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
