Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
