wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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