We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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