My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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