Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
