my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
