I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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