I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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