Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
