Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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