She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
