I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
