Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
