i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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