i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
