Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
