i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
