what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
