If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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