Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
