I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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