Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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