So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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