What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
