This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
