Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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