I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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