So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
