Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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