some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
