he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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