Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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