I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
